bam

Guys, this is from 2006. xantham gum hasn't been on the site for a long time as far as I can remember, so it's fairly unlikely that she'd want a critique for a poem from four years ago. Not really your fault, Heather, but Sassykat, please try and avoid necromancing in the future. Only comment on recent works! Cheers.

*LOCKED*

Hey hey! An intriguing little poem you have here. I'm not sure how I feel about the lack of normal punctuation and some of your line breaks felt off to me but you've got some good lines. Here's a few more specific comments:

fingersnap, the crackle of fireworks [Fingersnap. What an odd word. It makes me think of snapping your fingers I guess but it's a strange term which I'm not sure I like.]
sound gunshots in the icy air. [Gunshots is good. Something more creative would be better. It's quite typical to describe fireworks as like gunshots, maybe you could come up with comething else? Paintball splatter would be slightly more unique?]
a thousand electrical currents shift with
your unspoken words, too heavy with rot,
too light to sink into me. [These are the lines I like. The imagery of this is great and it brings a lot of thoughts into my head. Ideas sinking in. Limbs heavy with rot and the weight of the dead. I'm not sure how it all ties in so maybe you could expand on that but the imagery itself is great and worth preserving or working on.]
it's all dazzle on the photosphere, just things to
burn a million miles away - fuel we watch diffuse into
thin air. snap, crackle, pop. reaction time. [I don't really like this line. It's disjointed and plain. Makes me thing more of rice crispies than of science which is what the reaction time suggests. Perhaps you could do a little research, have something related to the creation of fireworks themselves?]
this thunderclap is God applauding us one-handed,
for he has always been deaf [color=red][I'm not sure that this makes sense? If he is deaf, why applaud with sound and why one handed? There's too many questions that this poem brings out to make it really though provoking. Instead they all just get cluttered in a bundle of nonsense. I'd love to see more clarity here, more linking images and ideas instead of so many disjointed ones.]

You know, I didn't particularly like this, but It's an opinionated thing. I am just really religious and don't agree with your last line.
I have to wonder, is this deliberately without capitalization? I noticed it had punctuation, and some capitals, and are they all supposed to be capitalized or just those few?

That one line, snap crackle pop, was just a little out of place. Since this is the trademark thingy of a very popular cereal, I don't know how this would sound serious in a poem like this.

That's all I noticed, hope it helps.